I was afforded the opportunity to speak with my older brother about his memories of the anarchy that ensued during the year I was born and that my mom left for America. He shares details about his time spent with my dad and grandmother in mother’s absence and his feelings on leaving Albania.
Do you want to just tell me what you remember like from 1997?
It was chaotic man. Things would pop off at night. People were pretty much doing whatever they wanted. I definitely remember this dude getting run over by boat and pulling his body out of the water and people speeding off on the boat like nothing happened.
I remember going to bars Koli and hanging out with him and his friends at the pool hall. Then we were going to Greece. The whole thing was kind of a haze. They barely explained everything that was going on to me. They tried saying like, ‘We’re doing this for this. We have to go to Greece for a little bit to do this.’
I remember I remember it was just chaotic, like all of Albania was pretty much chaos people are doing with they felt like. I remember hanging out with Koli a lot and I remember hanging out with Nenë (our paternal grandmother) and Çela (our aunt on or dad’s side) took care of me for a little while Koli was us in Greece. I stayed with her for like at least a month or something.
Really?
Yeah. I remember going to the market with grandma and she told me her bite into an apple because one of my teeth were
Sounds like you guys were kind of just going about your business still.
Yeah it was pretty sweet. Probably some of my fondest memories was hanging out that lady.
Did you miss mom?
Yeah, I mean not more than remember. Apparently I said I missed her a lot but I don’t really think about that time. I actually feel like when I left Albania I missed Nenë more. That was a big deal leaving her behind for me.
What do you remember of her
Like I said going to the market and helping her peel potatoes — stuff like that. Just hanging out in the house, you know with her and watching TV. I’d watch Looney Tunes and would grandpa get mad at me and change the channel. We would fight over the TV.
He hasn’t changed at all.
I know.
So you missed Nene and then what happened when you guys got here?
I mean, I remember the roads were different. I liked how smooth the roads were. The highway was the whole thing. I thought the sand was shit and the ocean was dirty, and I thought the pizza was terrible.
That’s funny. What about me and mom? What did you think?
I was just happy to see you guys. It was nice for all of us to be together. I thought you were my best buddy.
Do you remember seeing me in Greece?
Yeah.
Anyway, I remember being like five and six and I understood things. So, like, what was going through your head? Were you just like, okay, I guess we’re going to Greece now. Okay, I guess we’re going on a plane to America now.
Pretty much. I mean, literally, that.
I was confused. I was like, why are we leaving? Everything’s fine. What’s a big deal. I didn’t really understand what the point of leaving was. It was just kind of like decided that that’s what we were doing, you know.
The worst part was Mom was in the while I was like in the hospital for a while because of you. I was falling or something and mom reached out to to try to catch me. The placenta separated. And you guys are both in danger and there was all these doctors who were telling her to get an abortion but there was one doctor who was like, ‘You need to be on bedrest if you want to have this baby.’ So that was kind of fucked up because basically basically y it was like a double whammy, like not only did she go to America, she was also kind of like, you know, was incapacitated. She was was bedridden for awhile before that.
So, again, the logic behind it all never really made more sense to me because I felt like we were fine. Why even move right? And then leaving Nenë behind was like pretty brutal. I was very sad that day was probably the first time I cried from like, emotional crying, like complicated feelings, you know? Instead of like, just typical childhood for for pain and stuff.
The main takeaway was like life is chaos over here and brutal truths were just accepted as fact. Like when that guy got wrecked in the water I was just like, ‘Oh, this is just what happens. People get killed,’ you know. Everything was just a matter of factly like, this child psychology like there he wasn’t much like, ‘oh, no, what’s going on?’ It wasn’t anything complicated. I just accepted everything as it came.
I remember like, tearing tearing shit apart. Yeah, I guess I was a little chaotic kid. I remember like, destroying that Mercedes.
What Mercedes?
There was this car up on up on cinder blocks. The dude was like changing the tires or whatever and I thought it was broken so I smashed cinderblock through the windshield.
Oh my God. What happened?
Nothing. Koli had had to pay for a new windshield.
Are you serious?
I swear to god. I was just like, oh, this car’s broken so it’s like just free reign in Albania.
Oh my gosh.
I remember we were like waiting at a bus stop and I’m standing next to Koli’s friend and this dude reverses out like a maniac smashes into the bus stop and Koli like grabbed me and his friend as he’s jumping out of the way.
Where were you? Why he didn’t grab you?
I wasn’t in the way. Yeah, no crazy. Yeah.
Pretty much you know, I remember I didn’t have any like childhood friends I was leaving behind.
Yeah, I mean, you weren’t in school, right?
Yeah, I hung out with the cousins and grandma mostly.
What about Joni?
Joni was with mom.
What did you think about that?
I don’t remember. I don’t think they really explained it to me.
So did you feel like you understood later why they left?
Yeah, definitely as an adult I get it.
I realized right away that America was somewhere cool when I first got here. Just because of the roads. I thought their roads are amazing.
Anything else like that stick out to you?
Like that it’s definitely a richer country, better toys, you know? The food was different.
When did you start school?
First grade.
How was our house? Did you like our house? Or did you miss Vlorë?
I was happy to be together. I like our house.
Yeah, I remember our room seemed so big to me.
So like I remember like being hanging out with Hannah and her like huge extended family. Did you ever like want that?
Oh yeah. I missed having the grandparents around and my cousins.
That was the worst part is never being able to go back. Growing up that was a main sticking point. I was like ‘why didn’t you send me back?’ like I actually know these people like actually miss these people.
this experience, it’s really prepared me to just give everything up on a dime and like forget about life as it was and look to the future
In this experience, it’s like really prepared me to just give everything up on a dime. And like forget about life as it was and look to the future or to the present.
interesting
I feel really practiced in just erasing the past, for better for worse, you know?
So when you started school, what was that like?
It was really frustrating. I wanted to talk and I couldn’t communicate well, and then I remember being like, dumped into ESL and Mom and Koli trying really, really hard to get me to learn English and the three of us staying up really late at night working on my homework until we got it.
How did you talk to me?
We would just play with each other.
How do you feel like if someone asks you what you are? Are you like I’m Albanian- American or what?
I think I’m a cosmopolitan man of the world. Because I really don’t think Americans don’t appreciate their own culture. I definitely bought into the propaganda of like, you’re an immigrant. We’re all immigrants here. And that’s what makes you American. You know, I’ve never felt quite American because I can’t be president. And that always kind of bothered me.
Did you feel like it was hard? Like being an immigrant?
Yeah, I definitely like fit in more with other immigrant kids like in Hispanic and Asian populations.
I feel Albanian but I also don’t feel Albanian at all. It’s an in between place.
But I also feel so disconnected from Albania because of the way we were raised. Because I didn’t go back until I was 24. I feel Albanian but I also don’t feel Albanian at all. It’s an in between place.
So I consider myself to be more cosmopolitan than anything else.
I guess you’re saying. What about when you got your citizenship?
It was great because I understood that with a came like this sense of freedom. or power felt like I had leveled up in some way, you know.
Or like prestige.
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